Looking for Light

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Recently, one of my friends said: “I can tell when you’re not on Facebook!”
Really? I don’t know what to think about that, honestly. I think it means I’m on social media way too much.  

It’s been a hard week. It actually sucked and I don’t think older Christian ladies should say that word. It was as hard as “I ran over an armadillo” hard – bumpy, bruising, crashing, loud and yet the week charged on at lightening speed. It was the kind of week that rendered strength I didn’t know I had. Or, maybe I wasn’t strong at all, maybe this week is just life – the norm – and I just crumble under  [a lot of] pressure.  Whatever the case may be, my heart hurts; tears waiting just under the surface. My body hurts 100 times worse. My feelings have been trampled and my dignity lost for at least an afternoon. 

But, in the midst of the muck, I’m looking for the Light.

*All MRI scans – clear.
*A retest on pathology report – no evidence of atypia.
*I do not have breast cancer – today.
*Hubby’s strength when I’m falling apart at the seams.
*Sweet friendships.
*The fortitude to stand up for myself, this week.
*A good cry (or four) – healing.
*An afternoon with my sweet Sarah.
*Understanding mercy at a deeper level.
*A quiet Friday morning, the first this week.
*The privilege to read Silas Marner, today, with my Big Little.

I’m still looking. . . and finding.
Hallelujah.

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Surrender

Mom & I were up early watching hurricane news. Having grown up in Galveston, she’s no stranger to storms. Hurricane Carla hit just two weeks before Mom’s 15th birthday. Still to this day, she remembers it vividly. Have I ever told you how blessed we’ve been to have a Mom who is a great story-teller? Years ago, I bought a little recorder for her to journal her life experiences. I don’t know what ever happened to that idea but it’s high time we bring it back!

She started by reminiscing about sneaking out of her school building-turned-storm shelter to walk the sea wall. The massive crashing waves were exhilarating, the height of the mist thrilling. She explained how she and her friends could lay their whole bodies into the wind, arms stretched wide, with only the strength of the storm holding them up. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this story but it makes my heart happy every time I hear it.

“It’s an experience you’ll never forget”, she says.

“Angela, I actually saw a house, great big ‘ol two story house, with every slat, every piece of siding torn off the house, yet the salt & pepper shakers and the bread were still sitting on the table; everything in every room was still in place. Storms are weird. Tornadoes are weird…”

“A piece of glass stuck in a telephone pole?? That’s a sight you don’t see every day.”

“Two years later, I was at Ball High when Kennedy was assassinated. I was in class.”

I can’t help but think about how I wish we all weathered storms face first, head on. So many times, I wrestle with God wondering why He didn’t consult me first on the plans HE chose for me. So many times, I try to ignore the storm warnings, proudly – falsely – thinking I’m way too important for the storm. Or, perhaps that my faith, my belief system, my “religion” could/should somehow inoculate me from the storms of life. But, what if…what if we just stopped all the wrestling and humbly turned our whole entire bodies, arms stretched wide, toward the storm, bearing the brunt head on.

I don’t know about you, but I want to feel that Force holding me up. I want to know that surrender. I bet it would be exhilarating. I bet it would be a thrill of a lifetime.  #surrender

 

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Pray without ceasing. . .

Father, we humbly come before You ever grateful that you are mindful of us. Thank You for knowing every detail of our lives even before we breathe it. Thank you for your wisdom which comes to us through the power of the Holy Spirit. We are so grateful to serve a God who is all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, and Mighty above all things. When there is no way, You make a way. When there are tough decisions ahead, You give us clarity. We trust You above all human knowledge, all earthly processes, and above our own finite thoughts. Be near. Be real.
Asking for a friend. ♡